Last Night

Last night we said goodbye to our pastor who is moving to plant a church in Florida. There was an open house in the evening which we foolishly decided to attend with the two hooligans. What followed is pretty much comedy material!
First of all our nice big stroller had a flat tire. James pumped it up but it didn't last at all. Kinda stupid to bring the big stroller because it was wall to wall people. My reasoning was that John was sure to fall asleep and he could lay down in the stroller. Yeah, right. And it was HOT in the building. Sarah had a fabulous time jumping around on the small stage with two other kids and her Ernie doll while I sat with John out of the way. James visited around, and we all sweated.
Then it was time for the presentation/formal part of the evening so we all moved into the sanctuary where it was blessedly cool. Sarah kinda crawled around and about two seconds before the program started a decidely pungent odour drifted my way. Of course I automatically blame John and sniff his butt. Nope. I then eye up Sarah fervently hoping she just "tooted" but no such luck. I hustle her off to the nursery and try to change her but she announces she's not finished. Great. I really want to watch this program. So I force the issue and tell her she can finish in the new diaper. Good. Compromise reached. I stand in the back of the sanctuary with Sarah several feet away and all is quiet. For about 10 seconds. John starts to whine. Mary, my sister in law gets up and we get the stroller to the back and rock him back and forth. However, John is tired of sitting in the stroller and announces his plight to the world. Loudly. So I take him into the lobby and let him scootch on the floor while I hover near the doors hoping to at least hear what's happening. But John cannot scootch quietly. Nope. He has to talk and scream while he's moving so the ushers close the doors. The stroller and I are now separated. I can't go in to get it because John will scream. John spots an open door leading to outside and scootches over as fast as he can. He doesn't like it when I stop him so I give him a cracker. This he likes. I hover by the doors again and can kind of hear something. I sigh as I spot Sarah marching to the doors. She wants a cracker. I tell her to go ahead but she needs me to come also. But I don't wanna. But I have to. So I pick up John again (he's about 28 pounds by the way!) and we go get a cracker. Back to the doors. I stare resentfully at the back of James' head, sending evil thoughts his way. How come he's in there and I'm out here with two kids? I thought we were in this parenting thing together! Sigh. We will "talk" later. By now it's about 2.5 hours past bedtime for John and about 2 hours for Sarah. John is pooped. Sarah is still going strong, Mama's eyes are starting to glaze over and James is sitting in the sanctuary WHERE I WANT TO BE!!!!
It's finally over and eventually we head to the car. John has peed through his diaper but I don't care. I just want to get home. The mosquitos are out in full force and decide to eat me for their bedtime snack. We quickly roll up the windows and head to the exit to go home when from the backseat comes "I FORGOT ERNIE!!!!" followed by tears. Now my eyes are really rolling. James wants to know what we should do. I give him the look of death and inform him that we have to go and find Ernie. James goes while I get in the driver's seat. I'm noticing some mosquitos in the car and look around to see that Sarah has opened her window all the way. I reach behind and roll it up as quick as I can while, in total exasperation and on the verge of completely losing my sanity, tell Sarah to keep the window closed. John is blessedly quiet. We watch James scurry back and forth in the church building looking for Ernie. It occurs to me that Ernie is probably in the women's washroom as he went with Sarah and Auntie. James gives up and comes to the car. We inform Sarah that Ernie is going to have a sleepover at the church. Thankfully she eventually accepts this on the way home. John is stripped and changed. Sarah wants stories. Nope, brush teeth, go to bed, all the other kids are going to bed too, and so are
Auntie and Uncle Ner. And Mama, hopefully.
At 10:05 the house is quiet and I crash. I don't think I moved until Sarah woke up!
Kinda funny now that I look back.